Crossing the 1 Year Bridge

Grateful For The Journey Thus Far

1 year ago, I was going through another Dark Night of the Soul, a spiritual awakening period where life can get intense on every level.

Even though I had experienced this intense soul growth before, I wasn’t prepared for how dark the journey would be and how it would test my physical strength, mental stamina, and my Faith. Let me tell you, it was brutal! I’m so grateful I was in therapy for all of 2020. The pandemic panic on top of my internal landscape catching fire left my senses, my emotions, and my thoughts spiraling.

While I won’t go into much detail, I knew that if I didn’t change my lifestyle drastically, I wouldn’t be living a fulfilling existence, or even a happy one. I could see 10 steps ahead of my old path, but I was stuck 10 steps behind in the past. I could see my Higher Self in the distance welcoming the changes, yet I felt farther away from who I was in my waking life.

You see, my human self would repeatedly get caught up in toxic friendships, negative thinking patterns, and self-neglect. Even though I would break free from time to time, my mind wasn’t strong enough to maintain a sense of freedom and peace. It was like constant mental chatter and then feeling guilty because it was partially my own fault!

The life I was living was crumbling before me and I couldn’t stop it. I had no say. It was all up to God. To be honest, I wasn’t a great person back then either. I’m sure some of my suffering was due to my own choices too. I had little confidence in my work, my talents, and my goals. I felt alone on my mission many days. I would pray and meditate and keep creating, but I didn’t give it my all. I was so used to experiencing negative situations and false hope, that I didn’t even bother to take good opportunities that would enhance my social life and writing skills. I had high expectations of myself, but I couldn’t muster the mental or physical strength to get out of my comfort zone. I had gotten so used to feeling this way that anything else felt too good to be true.

It was as if fear kept me shackled and a haze had dropped over my sight. It was as if my heart was aching for warmth and inspiration, and all I could do was dwell on the past which caused me to keep re-living my traumas. If it wasn’t the past tormenting me, it was the daunting future and rose-colored glasses that made me believe things weren’t as bad as they seemed.

However, it was up to me to remove the veil and find the key to the locked doors. The Devil kept hounding me with spiritual warfare and I had to force myself to get out of bed sometimes to cook and write. Then there was God. He was telling me, “New Levels, New Devils. You have to fight to win this battle.”

And I fought with tears in my eyes. In November 2020, I decided to literally say, “F it!” and start this blog.

The Devil wasn’t going to keep me bound. Those who didn’t support my growth were going to see me thrive. I didn’t want to let God down when I had been given another opportunity to shine. I needed to be a stronger Light warrior.

Whatever courage I had that day was thrown into this one blog post titled, “Unknown Destinations”, which was based on watching the Lord Of The Rings trilogy again.

I put myself in Frodo’s feet and began realizing how brave Frodo must’ve been, how much of a purpose he must’ve felt on that journey, and how much he had endured to save Middle Earth, his home, and his companions. He was never the same afterwards…despite wishing so.

I haven’t been the same since my spiritual journey either. It’s a positive outcome.

After posting on angiemvpoetry for the first time, with a rapid heartbeat and sweaty palms, I began to think to myself, “You know, maybe I can do this. And maybe I can help others too.”

I didn’t get much traffic on that post, but that’s not what mattered to me then. That day, I was slaying demons and creating a new path that would lead me to a greater relationship with Self and God. I was walking next to Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin, with Gandalf muttering, “Hobbits” under his breath as we traversed WordPress land. I was going on an adventure.

The last 10 years were the hardest years of my life. Early 2021 was a little bit of a struggle as well. I had to incorporate the new knowledge I was given, remain optimistic and surrender control. I had to walk by Faith and not by sight. I continue to have this trust in God. I am healing still, but I have emerged victorious already.

I know that I was meant to experience past hardships for a reason. I was meant to help others with my words and my story.

It’s the end of November again as I’m typing this.

I thank God every day for keeping me safe and giving me the strength to move forward with my purpose. I thank God for listening to my prayers and supporting my vision. I thank my past self for staying strong and pouring into this blog. I thank my former therapist for all she did for me. I thank you, my readers and listeners, for being a part of my journey, especially my day 1 people!

I want to continue to inspire you with my poetry, experiences, and artwork for as many years as I can. I want to share my story with the world and give hope to those who have gone through similar experiences.

You can achieve what it is you want to do!

It all starts by just making the change and taking the first steps. Don’t give up now.

Remember who you came here to be when things get tough.

Happy 1 year blogiversary folks!

Much love. <3

Angie Vargas. 2022. All Rights Reserved.